3:59 PM |

For what it's worth,
I always believed in you.

-----

Nationals.

White-hot pain, a symphony of friction and static and a deadly resistance,
pull, pull, pull away; and we're leading by two boatlengths.

"Come on."
"Come on."
"Come on."

and so the sky opened toothless jaws and smiled,
and with the death of pain we waved a Victory flag.

"We did it. I'm proud of you."
A warm hug, a tight hug, a we-did-it-together, never-letting-go kind of hug; the kind that seems to go on forever without getting too hot, too tiresome, or too squishy.

Light footsteps up the slope.

Vulnerable eyes.

"How did we do?"

A thunderclap,
a tear, then another,
then I see myself in the distance-
a smudge of red and dusty white crumpling to the ground
like yesterday's tissue paper,
only in far more pain.

Oh, far more pain.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

The dam breaks when I see her face,
and for the first time I realize how truly inadequate apologies can be

and I cradle my head in my hands, on the gravel floor,
and through my tears I search for a rewind button.

----

... I brought back something more than a medal.

I brought back a lesson, and a grudge.

I am what I am, and I cannot change that. I have to live with my mistakes, and whatever happens in my years, will be for a reason, whether it to be to learn or to teach.

B Div team-- Team NJ-- I'm proud of all of you.

Something's gotta give eventually, and ten bucks says that that something's gunna be the face of failure.